Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. Hello, little man. I will destroy you! OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind…
Finding a needle in a haystack
Nov 2, 2016
Only you could make those words cute. God created pudding, and then he rested. Only you could make those words cute. You look…perfect. I'm doing mental jumping jacks. Only you could make those words cute.…
And so we say goodbye
Nov 2, 2016
I love you, buddy And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. File not found. Have you ever…
This is fun
Nov 2, 2016
I'm partial to air conditioning. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. Watching ice melt. This is fun. I'm really more an apartment person. Makes…
With a warning label
May 18, 2016
Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused. You're going…
Actually, that’s still true
Apr 15, 2016
Really?! The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue…
Is the Space Pope reptilian
Jan 18, 2016
You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing. Oh sure! Blame the wizards! Why would I want to know that? No, I'm Santa Claus! When I was…
